Does the thought of money summon this uncontrollably exciting feeling inside of her? Does she feel as though she may croak if she doesn’t have a large sum of money constantly rolling in? How about her “things?”- Are they a collection of elaborate pieces of jewelry, rocks with a diamond worth of about $2 million, Christian Louboutin heels, Fendi bags, Prada sunglasses, and the list goes on and on and on. Well honey, she’s either a self-proclaimed millionaire, her man is a self-proclaimed millionaire, or she’s a cold, hard gold digger. There is a difference, and if she falls in the latter part of the equation, she needs some serious womanly advice. And if you, the man, are suspicious of these qualities in your glammy gal, you’ve come to the right place- so put your credit card away, get out your sugar daddy checklist and let’s have a chat.

Her love of money may seem understandable and even normal to you. It’s not. She’s probably crossed over to the dark side after she’s threatened to leave her “provider” let’s call him, unless he buys her that boob job and a hundred new bras to go along with it. Although you may think that money provides happiness, it doesn’t. Let’s begin by going over five ways to tell if a person is truly money hungry.

1.    Loan Please: Gold diggers hint at the fact that they need a loan in order to stay afloat. Sometimes they’ll even just come right out and directly ask someone for a loan. It is understandable if the loan is absolutely needed in order to prevent eviction or the like, and if the money is actually going to go towards that purpose, but there are signs in order to tell if that’s the case. If the person has purchased $300 shoes, a brand new car, and other luxury items when they are supposedly threatened with debt, they’re just looking for money in order to fund their unnecessary purchases. Recognize the difference between want and need.

2.    Sense of Entitlement: Gold diggers feel as though they should be treated better than anyone else, and by treated better, they mean spent more money on. Perhaps their childhood wasn’t the best or they had a hardship along the way. Whatever the case, they feel as though they deserve to be compensated for it. A gold digger may also lack empathy, believe that they are “special” and can only associate with high-status people, and are preoccupied with dreams of infinite success and power.

3.    Meaningful vs. Meaningless: Ask questions about what gifts they value the most. Gold diggers will more times than not respond with expensive, material objects, rather than unique or thoughtful gifts. Ask them what they have had to give up in order to obtain something they really wanted. For example, giving up eating out or buying shoes in order to put a down payment on a house. Gold diggers have never really had to wait, struggle, or give things up in order to obtain something better later because they’re always taken care of by someone with an unlimited amount of money.

4.    Holding On For Dear Life: Mention several ideas in order to regain financial stability as a test. Why not sell your brand new BMW, $900 Louboutin’s, or that rock with a diamond value of $2 million? The very thought of selling their personal items will appall a gold digger, as if they would ever sell the items in which they are so fond of. The idea will seem absolutely ludicrous and irrational to them.

5.    Questionnaire: Gold diggers also have a few choice questions that they like to ask in order to scope out a person’s situation. Questions such as: “How much money do you make yearly?”  “How big is your house?” “What kind of car do you have?” “Do you have kids?” All of these questions are really just an examination to determine what you’re worth. Gold diggers are needy; they need to know how many kids are in the picture in order to assess how much money you’re able to spend on them. Of course, these inquiries can just be a friendly way to start conversation, but if they’re being fired at you like missiles the first time you’ve met, consider it time to hightail it out of there.

Kristy Kravitsky is a woman of endless wit who also possesses a keen judgment of character. She’s a writer living in Pennyslvania, and she’s looking out for you, fellas.

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